So, hi.

How're ya?
I'm OK.
I supposedly should be OK, but I don't gfeel like I am OK
Though my body is alright (got a slight cold, after having a throat infection)
My mind is a twist of lost insanity and a bit of feeling silent deathly.
I suppose that sounds harsh, but I do feel like that right now.

I don't really keep my promises, and get confused so easily.
I feel like I am wearing an @.@ face all the time.

Today I went to someone special. She told me I'm getting more professional help witht he problems I have, mentally.

I have a boyfriend now as well. Which is quite a surprise, considering whom he is.
I promised myself not to date friends. Specially close friends whom I never want to loose.
But I did, and fell slightly in love. He's so cute. And reminds me of someone, some time ago.
At least his height does xD He's about three heads taller then me.
Quite mean, and he can lift ME up. Seriously, that's so weird.
And I'm not affraid to sit on his lap. (I'm big, at least not small enough to feel not insecure on someone's lap xD)

So I am dating him, kinda. x3
Well I am his girl now, but yeah xD
We're taking it slow.
Perhaps he might not like me as much as he thought I would be
when just being a friend. It's different from when changing friend to girlfriend.
At least I think that...

It's quite hard, I am not sure if I want to be inlove right now.
I got so many problems
Not really that big, but inside of me, inside of me they feel so intense, so big
That I feel like exploding.. sometime soon.

So I'm glad I got help.
And now you know as well, why I am not on as much.

I've to figure out things, have to understand them, and acknowlegde them aswell.
Before I can continue life as what it is right now.

Because it doesn't feel right.. For me now
Just doesn't..
And I'm sorry to say that.

And I'm trying to go on, and I will
Every day again
But slowly, I know
I am willing and am making progress
To someone whom I am from the inside
And untill I am that person
Untill I can be whom I want to be
I won't be on as much...
Checking messages, proberly
But not responding, because I don't really know how to respond..

I don't find the words really, much
lately.

therefor. i will come back, soon. hopefully.

love, elfy xx